Withdrawal

When the peripheral neuropathy started back in 2015, I was prescribed a drug called Gabapentin.  Neuropathy is a both a numbing and burning in the feet or hands, common with diabetes.  In my case the first chemo drug given at the start caused the neuropathy in my feet.  The doctor prescribed Gabapentin to sooth the pain and discomfort of the neuropathy.  I took that drug for a couple years but it didn't seem to help.  Finally, the dose was doubled to see if that would make a difference.  The burning was still keeping me awake at night so with consultation fro my doctor, it was decided that this drug was simply not helping.  So I quit.  I went from 1,200 mg each day to zero just a few months ago.

Just yesterday, I discovered that Gabapentin is not a drug that can be stopped suddenly.  Severe side effects occur as the body goes through withdrawal symptoms.  Anxiety, nausea, muscle pain, suicidal tendencies and many other withdrawn side effects.  I had no idea.

The only huge side effect that I noticed was muscle pain.  It was severe and even crippling at times.  It baffled myself and the doctors but I'm sure they didn't remember that I suddenly went off of Gabapentin.  They say this isn't an addictive drug but the body does become dependent on the effects.  The withdrawal is described as similar to withdrawal from opioids.  I have had too many new experiences due to having multiple myeloma.  Now that I went through a major drug withdrawal, I'm ready to stop going through weird medical crises and start living a normal life.

Old blood

Cancer patients have to give up parts of their former selves.  They lose heath, wealth, hair, strength, productivity, identity, the right to dream and the hope to stay alive.  I lost most of those two years ago and have been trying to regain them ever since.

One loss that just occurred is gone forever.  In July of 2015, my first transplant called an autologous transplant involved removing my own stem stem cells, killing my bone marrow and replacing the stem cells to grow new marrow.  They did this knowing that an allogeneic transplant (with cells from a donor) would be needed at later date.  The procedure of removing my own stem cells usually takes a few days to get the recommended eleven million cells.  For unknown reasons, my body "overachieved" as the doctor put it and produced forty-six million in just one day.  The result of having extra stem cells was an opportunity to freeze them in case they would be needed at a later date.  

So the last remnant of my former stem cells (thirty-five million of them) have been on ice for the past year and a half.  They offered to keep them for a payment of just under $500 for a year.  If they are discarded, the blood that got me through most of my life would be gone forever.  With advice from my medical team, I let them go.  It was a bit of a difficult decision since there is no going back.  But then again, I've only had one thing in mind for the past two years and that is to only move forward.