Cancer Takes and Takes

I’ve been living with cancer for over a year now.  I’ve also been living around cancer patients for the past four months.  I share an apartment building with them.  I go to multiple medical appointments every day where we sit, waiting in the lobby for our appointments to begin.  We talk and share stories.  The first discussion is always about each individual’s experience since arriving at the the Seattle Cancer Care Alliance.  For some, it’s a relatively short story, a little chemotherapy, maybe some radiation and continued maintenance at home. For others, it’s a matter of months to receive a stem cell transplant.  An autologous transplant (using one’s own stem cells) takes about three months.  An allogeneic transplant (using stem cells from a donor) takes about four months.  Most patients are given one or the other of these transplants.

For those with more aggressive cancer, both transplants are warranted.  They require treatment for a full seven months.  Unfortunately, I’m in the seven months treatment plan due to a highly aggressive form of myeloma.  Regardless of the illness or treatment plan, the effect on each patient seems to be radically different.  Some are in wheelchairs, some are with walkers, many use canes to get around and others seem completely mobile.

The most striking difference between cancer patients is how the cancer changes the self-identity of some victims but not of others.  Cancer can be so much more than a biological error of reproducing cells.  It forces each victim to deal with their own perception of self. When we have a cold, we say “I have a cold.”  It doesn’t change who we are.  Cancer patients often say “I AM a cancer victim.”  The sickness can become who we are; a permanent part of our being.  Our identity has changed.  Cancer seems to want everything from its victims.  Side effects from medications are usually a long list of terrible ailments from nasty rashes to diarrhea, nausea, and a lot of just feeling miserable.  The financial cost of cancer is huge.  Even with strong health insurance,  the out of pocket expenses are unreasonable for a middle income patient.  Co-pay for pharmacy expenses alone can be several hundred dollars each month.  Just one of my required twelve daily medications cost $300 per month.   The bills just keep coming.  And to make things worse, most cancer patients are marked with the universal cancer sign for all to see, complete baldness, including eyebrows and eyelashes.  It’s a ruthless disease that will chip away at its victims until there nothing left but an ugly cancer inside a defeated host.

As for me, I feel lucky to have a cancer with a treatment plan with a possible path toward long term remission.  Many are not so fortunate.  I’m also lucky to have so many friends and family who support my every move.  That makes a huge (I can’t emphasize enough how huge) difference.  My attitude of optimism and my sense of humor were not something I invented for myself.  It’s in my genes, thanks to my parents.

So when asked for my story in the waiting room, I let them know that my cancer is a very wicked version of myeloma, that I’m on the ultimate treatment plan for the most severe version of the disease.  But thanks to all of the luck and fortune described in the previous paragraph, I’m able to start my introduction with: “My name is Mike and I HAVE cancer....for now.  I’m on a path toward a cure.”