The Seattle Cancer Care Alliance is an amazing place. They have saved the lives of so many people who I've met recently, many of them from Alaska. But there is still a long road to travel in cancer research. Several patients are not nearly as fortunate as I have been. I just learned of a fellow Alaskan who received the exact same treatment as I did, went home in December and passed away in January. She was much worse off than I had imagined but she kept her strength and will to live. I said goodbye to her in December, assuming she would be fine.
Her illness doesn't compare with mine. My prognosis is extremely positive. There is a slight trace amount of cancer cells left but they are diminishing every day. It's almost unmeasurable at this point. My new immune system is apparently doing its job by killing cancer cells while I sleep. I expect that my next test in two or three months will show my bad numbers to be zero!
My good numbers are measured by the friends, family and supporters who have given me such hope and confidence to get through this. It was by far the most difficult time of my life. I didn't always share the bad times in part because I refused to accept sickness to become a part of myself and in part because I don't like to share pain with others. I'll admit that it has been difficult.
Since this is close to my last blog, I'd like to clear up a misconception. For months, I've received dozens of compliments about bravery, and positive attitude and that sort of thing. While I deeply appreciate the kind words, it always made me scratch my head a little with confusion. I'm no doubt stoically stubborn about not admitting when I'm sick but virtually all of my strength to get through this was fueled through others.
A day didn't go by without hearing from supporters who were praying for my health, wishing me health or simply sending a note to say hello. I've had such overwhelming support, I had no choice but to remain positive. It seemed like (and still does) the whole world was on my side. That always gave me a tremendous feeling of strength and resolve to beat this thing. It came from you, not me. Thank you for that!!
It's almost 1:00 am. This is probably poorly written and definitely a rambling blog. Sorry for the mess. I may delete it in the morning.
My wall of strength. There are several hundred names on these cards and posters. It was a sad to take them down but I plan to read them again and again.
This is the view from the 6th floor of the SCCA. The 6th floor is the stem cell transplant unit. This was my view while waiting for over three hundred medical appointments.
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