Back to Seattle

It looks like a routine that will go on for the rest of my life.  Since multiple myeloma is officially incurable, the doctors at the Seattle Care Alliance want to see me every six months just to make sure things are going well.  That schedule assumes my symptoms of cancer are nonexistent and other problems are minimal.  The appointments (six so far) are for June 19 and 20 but my last visit was extended for a few more days as they discovered new symptoms to explore.

I'm looking forward to going back, knowing my visit will be short and knowing my blood scores show no sign of cancer whatsoever.  We'll certainly go over the cause of muscle pain and other annoying symptoms that could possibly be from Graft versus Host Disease but hopefully that will be the focus of my treatments.

As always, seeing new people who have been recently diagnosed with cancer will be difficult.   The most difficult part of attending daily appointments for months on end was to see the agony and shock of those who thought it would never happen to them.

Demons

The demon inside my consciousness is disappointed or even angry.  At one point, my belief was that the pain and symptoms of GvHD would be gone just months after the transplant.  That expectation stretched on to a year after transplant with GvHD still raging and showing itself in so many ways.  Now, it's a year and a half after the second transplant.  The symptoms are different but still painful in the form of muscle aches.  At times a powerful pain pill is the only thing that allows me to function.

The good news is the demon inside me isn't in charge.  The moment he complains, the more sensible me tosses his thoughts aside as selfish and even frivolous.  My more grateful consciousness realizes that others are hurting much worse and that my close call with mortality has a price to pay.  It's a small price of physical pain and about a dozen other annoying symptoms.  The payoff is in the form of life itself and it's up to me to make that life a happy one.

Time for happiness

The end is in sight.  Another beginning is just around the corner.  Now that retirement from teaching in Alaska is just a few days away, I'm starting to wonder what the future will bring.  It's exciting and invigorating to imagine life without the confines of a teaching schedule.

This weekend will be filled with helping my eighty-seven year old mother and seeing relatives while we say goodbye to my step-father who passed away in his sleep.  He was ninety-four and lived a very healthy life.  Seeing another person pass away reminds me of the value of life and the short time we have to enjoy each other's company.  It's time to live life to the fullest and cherish the memories of yesterday.