Demons

The demon inside my consciousness is disappointed or even angry.  At one point, my belief was that the pain and symptoms of GvHD would be gone just months after the transplant.  That expectation stretched on to a year after transplant with GvHD still raging and showing itself in so many ways.  Now, it's a year and a half after the second transplant.  The symptoms are different but still painful in the form of muscle aches.  At times a powerful pain pill is the only thing that allows me to function.

The good news is the demon inside me isn't in charge.  The moment he complains, the more sensible me tosses his thoughts aside as selfish and even frivolous.  My more grateful consciousness realizes that others are hurting much worse and that my close call with mortality has a price to pay.  It's a small price of physical pain and about a dozen other annoying symptoms.  The payoff is in the form of life itself and it's up to me to make that life a happy one.