Nutcracker

It's good to be back, or is it?  This is the time of year when performing musicians and music teachers are insanely busy.  Between symphony concerts, concert chorus concerts, the Nutcracker and a few brass quintet jobs, not to mention the high school Winter concert, getting a decent night sleep is a rare event.  Returning from a rehearsal at 10:30 pm and arriving at the school for a 6:30 am jazz band rehearsal is a way of life that several musicians face this time of year.  I did it for nearly thirty years but this year is very different.

Recovering from a transplant is more difficult than I expected, even though the doctors said it would take over a year from the time I left in late February.  I simply didn't believe them.  I thought those limitations were for others, not me.  Now that I'm fully immersed in a schedule that used to be just mildly difficult, I'm not sure I can be the alert musician that I strive to be at each performance.  Exhaustion is becoming the norm.

I still refuse to slow down a bit.  My problems are all because of a cancer that barely exists within me.  It's still trying to be dominate in my life and take credit for making me change my lifestyle.  I've had a handful of enemies in my life but cancer is worst, the most ruthless and the most deadly.  If I submit to the wishes of such an enemy, I'll hand it a victory and I'll sink further into it's grasp.  Instead, I'll do what I've always done.  I may yawn more but it's well worth it to be able to give the finger to cancer and live my life the way I choose.  Cancer won't change me.