Darkness again

During my stay at the Seattle Cancer Care Alliance, I made an assumption.  I thought that when I left Seattle, my days of sickness would taper and complete health would gradually return.  Performing with the symphony in March and going back to work full time at the high school showed a resolve to be healthy but it's not quite working out that way.  While I was a patient at the SCCA, there were so many positive moments, usually followed by sickness and sometimes despair.  Three months later, little has changed.

I was wrong about my hope and belief that the end of day to day treatment meant I was basically done with sickness and occasional misery.  GVHD or Graft versus Host Disease is hitting my body with a vengeance right now.  I was warned repeatedly that GVHD can have a harsh and sometimes devastating effect but they didn't say it could build this late in the game.  I'm different from the normal patient (again).  I don't have the typical skin, eye, liver or GI problems.  I do have a less common effect of my immune system attacking my lungs.  Coughing is so severe at times, I have to vomit.  My back muscles have hurt for days from the effect of strenuous coughing.

I apologize for griping about my problems.  It's a lot more fun to write lighter, upbeat blog entries.  But I made a promise to myself and to some readers that I would tell the whole story.  I wrote earlier about the "Light at the end of the tunnel."  I entered that light when I returned to Alaska but apparently there are more tunnels ahead.  The darkness I'm experiencing now doesn't have a light, just an uncertain future and a less than great prognosis.  The light will eventually show itself and I know I'll get there.  I just don't know when.